My name is Bailey and this will begin my incredible story. I am a half Aussie Shepard and half Heeler canine extrodanaire. Currently I reside with a young couple named Shane and Ellie and will probably finish my dull boring life with them. But my life was not always so simple. So, let us begin at the proper place....in the beginning.

I was born in Nepal to a Sherpa family. Sherpa's in case you don't know are very hardy people who live in the foothills of the tallest mountains in the world (Mt. Everest) and assist gringos in hauling all of their shit to the base of the mountain. The Sherpa's got smart and said to themselves why should we carry all this shit when we can train dogs to do it for us. And thus they began to breed dogs which is how I came into existence.

When I was but 7 weeks old I was sent on my first trip up the mountain. There was this really fucking mean old bastard that would kick me around when I would stop to take a piss. I wanted to bite that fucking gringo's ear off. What really hurt was that my owner, PooSniffer (Sherpa for sweet smelling roses), did nothing.

Now this maybe a little known fact but the Sherpa people are paid in the form of chocolate candy bars. They have a bit of a sweet tooth. Anyhow, these new gringos had it in their minds to hide the chocolate from the Sherpa by buring them in the ground. Sherpa's are not very trustworthy. Well anyhow, I was selected to ascend the mountain with my owner and that mean fucking gringo. We all got caught in a storm and they began to all freak out because they thought they were going to die. I quitely sat there while the two of them broke down and admitted they were both closet homosexuals and wanted the company of another man just before they died.

Apparently you can't sweat too much when it's really cold or you will die from hyperthermia. These two got so hot and heavy they ended up freezing to death. I didn't care. I hated my owner for not doing anything about being kicked so I pissed on his face. I hated that fucking gringo even more for kicking me so I bit his fucking ear off. And while I was at it, I bit his dick off too. Fuck that gringo.

Anyhow, so now I traveled back down the hill and when I returned I found the camp in serious disarray. Now that the fucking gringo was dead the Sherpa were about to eat the remaining gringos. That's their punishment for not being paid (now a problem because the dead dickless gringo is the only one who knew where the chocolate was buried). I quickly sniffed out the goods and delivered them to the remaining gringos. They were so grateful they adopted me and took me with them back to Hungary (their home country) on the account that me owner was now dead.

Tune in next week to learn about me adventures in Hungary. For now, I leave with this bit of wisdom. Don't kick a dog or your likely to get your fucking dick bit off.

So long for now,

Bailey Patches